Communication is something we use every day. Likely, you’ve already communicated a number of things today, right from your first, “Good morning.” Yet, your communication begins even before you open your mouth. You communicate by your facial expressions, attitude, behavior, and the way you dress. Even your silence speaks! When someone addresses you, and you don’t answer when they are expecting a response, you are conveying a message.

The Early Church believers, as they were scattered from Jerusalem by persecution, made an impression on the inhabitants of the cities they fled to. Their preaching and behavior communicated something about themselves. The Bible tells us in Acts 11:26 that “the disciples were called Christians first in Antioch.” They were identified by the people of that city as followers of Christ. One question we might ask ourselves is: if we were evaluated by our communication in its entirety—our words, actions, and the silence that we keep—would we be identified as Christians?

As we interact one with another, there is a kind of communication that God sanctions and encourages—the type that builds up, heals, and inspires. It is something we could call “grace-filled communication.” This is simply having all our interactions filtered by God’s grace. A description is found in Ephesians 4:29, which says, “Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers.”

Having consistent grace-filled communication is not possible in our own strength. However, God can help us achieve this if we apply His guidelines daily. When we do, we will see the difference it makes in the lives of those we interact with, as well as in our own lives.

Obtaining God’s grace

The Bible tells us in Romans 3:23, “For all have sinned, and come short of the glory of God.” We, like all people, were born as sinners, and our natural tendency is toward sin. We will take the path of least resistance in that direction, like water when it flows downstream. Without God’s intervention, individuals might say or do anything—whatever is the most convenient—regardless of whether it is true or the consequences that could result. To exhibit grace-filled communication, our hearts must be transformed by God’s grace. That happens at the point of salvation. To receive salvation, we must acknowledge our sins and then confess and repent of them.   

This happened for me. When I was an intermediate school student, my father’s friend invited me to attend an Apostolic Faith Sunday school. I went and heard the Gospel message and was convicted of my sins. I knew what kind of child I was. I had grown up as a truant on the streets of Lagos. I had pilfered my father’s things without his knowledge. When the Word of God came to me in the Sunday school class, I went to my knees. I confessed my sins to God, and in His infinite mercy, He saved my soul, transforming my life.

At salvation, God forgives us for the sins we have committed and removes them from our lives. If you have not experienced this, it is where you need to start. Seek the grace that will transform your life.

Don’t stop there; press forward by consecrating the different aspects of your life for God’s use. Seek God for the removal of your Adamic nature, that tendency toward sin that you were born with, so that you are not drawn back into sin. Ask God to remove it, and He will, giving you a sanctified heart. Then, when your heart is pure and you are fully surrendered to God’s will, ask the Holy Spirit, the third person of the Trinity, to come and abide within you.

These three experiences are the foundation for leading a grace-filled life, including in our communications with others.

Manifesting God’s grace

Having experienced God’s grace, our expressions of communication should reflect His character, whether we are at home, in society, or at church. It is a good idea to examine our lives for any place where we fall short in this, so we can remedy the situation with God’s help. Let’s consider these three situations specifically.

In a godly home, all communication should have an underlying basis of love and respect. This should be apparent even in circumstances such as when spouses have differing opinions or parents are correcting their children. We can set the example by being considerate of other family members. We start by asking ourselves, “Do I speak to others in a way that I would want to be spoken to?” In the home, as well as outside of it, we should be people of integrity. When we say yes or no to something, those present should be able to count on our word. When we make a statement and others find out who said it, there should be a response of, “Oh, then it can be trusted to be correct.”

In society, we have an identity that is linked with how we communicate, and today our identity is not just in the physical world but in the virtual space as well. We are all known to others in person and to some extent online. We acquire reputations through our online interactions, so it is important to be careful not only about what we post and like, but also what we comment on. If we disagree with what someone else is saying or doing, there is no need to associate ourselves with the situation by publicly commenting on it. As we look to God for wisdom in these matters, He will give us guidance.

At church, we want our communication to edify other attendees. One way to do this is to testify. Giving our testimony serves several purposes: it glorifies God, strengthens our own faith, brings the Gospel message to sinners, and encourages fellow believers. It is a wonderful way to exercise grace-filled communication.

No matter where we find ourselves, there are ways we can be more purposeful in communicating with grace. One way is to think before we speak. We can ask ourselves, What are the consequences of what I am about to say? Will it edify? Will it be a blessing? Pausing to think will help us make a better decision about what and when to speak.

Next, we can listen for the Spirit of God. He will guide us regarding when to speak, what to say, and how to say it. Some people believe it is okay to spread information if it is true. However, not everything needs to be said—the truth is not always edifying and it can be manipulated to mislead. When in doubt, it is better to stay silent.  

Graceless communication

Just as there are things we can do to be purposeful about communicating with grace, there are some things we should avoid. Certain attitudes and actions lead to graceless communication, which has negative consequences for ourselves and those we interact with.

One of the attitudes that leads to graceless communication is pride. Boasting about one’s own accomplishments instead of giving God the glory only draws attention to one’s shortcomings. And the person who always has to be right or have the last word is not someone others want to be around. We need to consider that being right is often only a matter of perception. For example, if you are sitting at a table, looking at the number “six” written on a piece of paper in front of you, then the person sitting across from you is seeing a “nine.” We can remind ourselves of this the next time we are tempted to insist that we are right.      

Being a busybody is an action that may lead to the graceless communication of gossip. The people who want to be the first to tell what they hear are like radios with damaged antennas, randomly receiving and broadcasting information. They may even make entertainment out of other people’s lives and pain. A better use of communication when we hear of someone else’s trouble is to talk about it with God, who can help them.

Unforgiveness can lead to a variety of graceless communications. Feelings of hurt or anger may seem justified. Yet, we don’t want to let someone else’s wrongdoing lead to our own wrong behavior. It is important that we forgive quickly, before there is an opportunity for resentment or bitterness to build. This is not always easy, especially when the injustice is great. However, we can lean on Jesus, who forgave us when we did not deserve it.  

Uncontrolled emotions are another cause of graceless communication, and can be a stumbling block to even a longtime believer. According to Numbers 12:3, “Moses was very meek, above all the men which were upon the face of the earth.” Yet, he was provoked to anger by the complaints of the Children of Israel. When God told him to speak to the rock to bring forth water, he instead struck it, and in consequence, he was denied entrance into the Promised Land (see Numbers 20:8-11). We don’t want to allow anger to fester in our own lives and cause us to miss Heaven. Rather, we want to pray that God will give us His attitude about our circumstances.

Contrasting consequences

The account of Nabal and his wife, Abigail, given in 1 Samuel 25, offers a contrast between grace-filled and graceless communication, along with the consequences of each. Nabal was a wealthy man who was “churlish and evil in his doings” (verse 3). During one shearing season, he benefitted from protection provided to his servants and flocks by David, the future king of Israel. Then, when David requested provisions for his men in return, Nabal responded with harsh words that revealed his ingratitude, greed, and an attempt to humiliate the future king. He asked, “Who is David?” and, “Shall I then take my bread, and my water, and my flesh that I have killed for my shearers, and give it unto men, whom I know not whence they be?” (verses 10-11). Nabal’s graceless communication nearly cost him everything, because David immediately gathered an army of four hundred men to destroy all that pertained to him.

Conversely, Abigail “was a woman of good understanding” (verse 3) whose attitude, words, and actions reveal wisdom from God. When she heard what had happened, she approached David with provisions, humility, and respect. Bowing to the ground, she said, “I pray thee, forgive the trespass . . . And it shall come to pass, when the LORD shall have done to my lord according to all the good that he hath spoken concerning thee, and shall have appointed thee ruler over Israel; that this shall be no grief unto thee, nor offense of heart” (verses 28, 30-31). Her grace-filled communication calmed David’s anger, and instead of avenging himself, he praised God. He said, “Blessed be the LORD God of Israel, which sent thee this day to meet me: and blessed be thy advice, and blessed be thou, which hast kept me this day from coming to shed blood” (verses 32-33).

Like Abigail, when we allow God’s grace to lead our communications, we will experience God’s blessings of peace and joy in our lives. God wants to use us to further His Kingdom. If our communication has been graceless, we can ask Him to help us remedy the situation. First, we must be sure we have experienced God’s grace personally by receiving salvation. Then, we can pray and ask God to help us exercise grace-filled communication. He will help us to be people whose attitudes, words, and actions build up and edify others for His glory.

‍