The Tie that Binds Only spiritual unity can afford us the true love God intended for a romantic relationship. By Renaté Rudolph

“God, we've got to talk.”

My mind was racing as I got into my car and headed for Oxbow Park. I needed to think. I needed to pray. I needed answers.

The sky was threatening rain and it matched my mood. I turned on the radio. The Christian song that was playing helped to calm me, but what I really needed was a word from God.

Pulling into the park, I found a secluded place to leave my car and took off on foot down a trail into the woods. A few birds were chirping and a light rain was bouncing off the foliage as I began to pray. “What should I do?” Silence. “God, I know he's not a Christian, but couldn't you just save him?” Silence. “Won't you please take away these feelings that I have, God?” Silence.

I was getting frustrated and finally decided to return to my car in defeat. I saw my Bible sitting on the passenger seat. I scooped it up and walked over to a picnic table that overlooked the river. Sitting down, I opened it. I knew exactly where the verses were that affirmed what I already knew, but I asked God to give me a verse anyway. Rather than doing as I asked, He told me to look down.

A lesson from the Author

On the ground just below the picnic table was a little pinecone that was still attached to a piece of branch from the tree it came from. Pieces of bark on the branch flared out and looked like little thorns on a stem.

“What does that look like to you?” I felt that God was asking me.

“Well, it kind of looks like a rose,” I responded.

“But is it a rose?” the gentle Voice seemed to coax.

“No, God. It's a pinecone,” I answered back.

Then the lesson God was trying to teach me unfolded. “You see, a real rose is colorful. Its petals are velvety. It has a beautiful scent. This pinecone, while it looks like a rose, is still a pinecone. It is hard, brown, and ugly. You think you are in love with a guy who is not a Christian. It may have a semblance of love, but anything that could come out of a relationship with him would be like this pinecone—only a facsimile of the real thing.”

You know, this wasn't the first time that God had to teach this lesson to me, but this time it stuck. God knows a thing or two about love—he invented it. 1 John 4:19 says, “We love him, because he first loved us.” Verses 8 and 16 of that same chapter say, “God is love.”

So if God invented it, He must know a thing or two about the best way for guy/girl relationships to work. And He's the One who inspired the words, “Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness?” (2 Corinthians 6:14). The principle is clear, and I knew it: a Christian should not become romantically involved with an unbeliever.

Missionary dating

This principle leads to the topic of “missionary dating.” This is the little voice that says, “If I go out with them and they see how Christians really live, they'll get saved and we can stay together.” I can't account for every case out there, but I know from my own experience that this seldom works. Why should one date with them be allowed, but not more? If two or three are acceptable, why not four? Then you will have to account for why you suddenly can't keep seeing them.

It's also shaky ground to be on. The Bible says in James 1:8 “A double minded man is unstable in all his ways.” A Christian who is dating an unbeliever has compromised and is faced with the challenge of being faithful to God while trying to please his or her romantic interest as well. Chances are that instead of the unbeliever getting a glimpse of Christianity being lived out through a Christian boyfriend or girlfriend, he or she will see the double-mindedness talked about in James. Instead of being drawn closer to God, they can be pushed farther away. It pays to remember that your example of Christianity may be the only one he or she will ever see. Doesn't it make sense to have it be a good example, lived the way God would have it—outside of a dating relationship? God cares!

Never forget that God is well aware of your emotional needs. Remember, He is on your side! He is the same God who looked at Adam in the Garden of Eden and said, “It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him” (Genesis 2:18). God knows our needs and He has promised in Psalm 34:10 that “they that seek the Lord shall not want any good thing.” The word want means “lack.” If those who seek the Lord will not lack any good thing, and God said that it was not good for man to be alone, we can be assured that God will supply our need for companionship in His time.

Renaté Rudolph is a college student and a member of the Apostolic Faith Church in Portland, Oregon.