Aimless and Drifting

Told he would never amount to anything, this young
man seemed to be proving that true. Then God
changed the whole picture!

By Jim White

My upbringing took place on a farm in the state of Ohio. My parents spent a great deal of time in the bar, so my brother and sisters and I were put in a children’s home. When I was two years old, my grandparents adopted us. They had five children, the youngest ones being in high school, and there were four of us, five years old and under. My grandfather let us know that they did not adopt us out of love but because they felt it was their responsibility. However, they were Mom and Dad to us.

Our home was not always a good scene. At times we had fighting, bickering, and crying. Dad put many restrictions in place, and he and I had a bad relationship. Even when I was in grade school, he let me know that I was a lazy person and would never amount to anything in life.

A tragic accident

When I was thirteen years old, my brother and I went to a friend’s house and began playing with guns. That day I witnessed my brother’s death. What travail, agony, and horror filled our family! Many times after that, Mom said, “Kenny would want things to be different. Let’s change this family and get it going the right way.” She truly wanted to see our lives turned around, but she could not change herself or us. And we didn’t understand that God could change us.

Mom and Dad did not go to church, but God was careful to send Light my direction. One lady took us to Sunday school when we wanted to go, and sometimes we went to Vacation Bible School. Once, at a big assembly, the speaker asked any who wanted to give their lives to God to come forward and pray. I didn’t understand what people were going to the front and praying about, but something tugged at my heart, telling me that I should respond. So I did. I didn’t notice anything happening to me, but I will never forget the tugging at my heart.

Although we never prayed at home, Bibles were placed on some of our end tables. We were not allowed to play with those Bibles, and we were also not allowed to take God’s Name in vain. Once, when I was in the sixth grade, a girl who was a Christian heard me swear. She quoted the verse to me, “Thou shalt not take the name of the Lord thy God in vain,” while she was swinging on a swing. She never knew it, but those words went into my heart.

Another time, I was caught smoking at school. Mom was notified, and she always told my dad such things. Dad was working swing shift, but I knew he would find out in the morning and I would be whipped. That night, I prayed that my dad would not find out. The next morning as I went out the door, my mom said, “I’m not going to tell your dad.” As I ran to catch the bus, God spoke to me, “See, I answered your prayer.”

Started down the wrong road

In school, I didn’t fit in too well. I wasn’t popular or into sports, and I wasn’t among the nicest dressed there. But I did start to fit in with the group who hung out in the bathroom and smoked. Before long, I was asked to smoke a joint. The first time, I resisted, but I continued hanging around with those people; and eventually, I gave in and smoked the pot. Then I was asked to take some drugs. And so I started down the wrong road. It makes a big difference who you choose to be around!

One time Dad searched my car and found some drugs and related paraphernalia. He was so angry that he picked up the telephone to call the sheriff. I told him I was sorry, and that I was going to quit. I actually tried to do so, and I succeeded—for probably two weeks. But I continued associating with the same crowd, and it didn’t take long for me to be drawn right back into that life.

During my last two years of high school, I went into auto-repair training in a vocational school. There I found more opportunities for the kind of life I was living. However, I also met a couple of Christians. My friends and I made fun of them and tried to make them mad at us. But we noticed their pleasant attitude and finally asked them, “Why do you always have to come to school so happy?” We didn’t know what salvation could do.

When I was eighteen, I left home. One of the guys I partied with told me, “Jim, you are leaving the easiest part of your life.” That kind of hit me, but I thought life was going to be better. Two friends and I found an apartment, and I planned to go to bed when I wanted, bring home what I wanted, smoke pot in my own house, and do whatever I wished.

Learning the hard way

Someone told me, “What Mom and Dad didn’t teach you, society will.” And it did. I started to learn a lot, real fast. I found out the results of not keeping insurance on my car, what happened if I did not pay the rent, what it was like to get along with two other people in an apartment, and what happened when I didn’t have enough money. One time I put unsweetened KoolAid on corn flakes for something to eat. I remember frying potatoes with no oil or shortening, and of course they burned. Sometimes I stole money from work. Then I’d spend the money on drugs and would steal more to buy food. Yes, I learned what “freedom” was—the hard way!

Once a high school teacher had said, “Pretty soon you guys will be sticking a needle in your arm.” I thought I would never do that, but I did.

After work, we would hang out in the park, smoke and talk, or maybe go play pool. That became my life style, and it got old. Eventually I decided to find something different. I had been in a car accident and had received a court summons, which I tore up and flushed down the toilet. Then I got in my old car and headed for Florida. On the way, I wrecked my car, so I threw the license plates away and began to hitchhike.

In Florida I went to the beach. There I saw young people doing the same things I had been doing in Ohio. They were just hanging out at the park and smoking, so I left the same day. I hitchhiked to Texas and stayed a short time with some relatives. From there, I went to see an uncle in California and then on to see other relatives in Grants Pass, Oregon. I didn’t know what I was going to do there, but I thought I might stay a little while and then join the armed services. Even though I didn’t know it, God was leading me.

My aunt and uncle in Grants Pass were Christians. Their family took an interest in me, and I wondered why they cared about me. As the days went by, they started telling me that God could change my life. They went to church three times a week. I thought once a week was enough, but out of respect for them, I went.

One night in the church service, the minister preached that God gives us a choice as to whether we go to Heaven or Hell. His old-fashioned message was good for me. I started to feel something in my heart—something I’d felt when I was in Sunday school years before. Someone asked if I wanted to pray. In the two weeks I’d been with this aunt and uncle, I had seen their Christian lives, and I liked and wanted what I saw. So I said, “Sure.”

A dramatic change

I knelt at the little bench in the front of the church, although I didn’t know what to expect. I prayed a long time, and nothing happened. Finally someone said, “Just thank the Lord.” When I said those words, something happened that I could never forget. Tears started to roll down my face, and the sweetest peace I had ever experienced came into my heart. It didn’t matter that I had long hair, worn-out Levis, and cigarette burns in my shirt. God loved me and made Himself real to me that night. He saved my soul and made a big change in my life. It was like someone turned on the light switch! God cleaned me up, took out the desires for the old way of life, and I have never wanted to go back to those things.

A short time later, my relatives went to a camp meeting in Portland, Oregon, and I went along. I thought it was great. After that I decided to go back to Ohio. There I found out what temptation really was. I understood that I had to separate myself from my old life and friends and get where I could be with the Christians who had led me to the Lord.

When I came back to Oregon, the Lord led me to an occupation. After I’d been saved two years, He gave me a wife who had never smoked a cigarette or taken a drink of alcohol, never said a cuss word or done drugs. I don’t deserve that kind of wife, but God gave her to me as a gift. Now we have three children and a business. Dad was right when he used to say that I would never amount to anything. But God came into my heart and changed everything! I owe Him my life, and if He took everything away from me, I would still follow Him.

Jim White is a member of the Apostolic Faith Church in Eureka, California.