Singing a New Song

Music was my joy,
but I never dreamed
where it would lead me.


By Maxine Lee

What was I doing in this place? I looked around the smoke-filled room of the nightclub, misery gripping my heart. Singing at the fair, the granges, and local celebrations had been enjoyable, but the music that once had been so much fun had led me into a nightmare. Now I had no idea how to get out. Suddenly, the cross around my neck felt heavy. I wore it because I thought I was a Christian and I wanted everyone to know it. At that moment, it seemed like God himself spoke to my heart, “How are you going to tell people not to be here when you are here yourself?” I couldn’t answer.

As a little girl, I had always believed in God. I remember my grandmother coming to our home, and while she was there, we would always say grace before our meals. That would continue for awhile after she left, but eventually, it would be forgotten. Still, those occasional times of thanking God for our food made an impression on me. Looking back, I know the Lord was talking to me even then.

When I was about eight years old, my father painted some churches. One time I went with him. As he worked, I went inside the church and sat in a pew. There were hymnbooks in a rack in front of me, and I took one out and sat there reading the words. I didn’t know how to read music and I had never heard the song before, but I remember the words: “Bring them in, bring them in, bring them in from the fields of sin.” Those words touched my heart and I never forgot them, even though I didn’t really understand them.

A desire to please God

My sister and I only attended church services a few times as children. After we became teenagers, wherever we would move (and we moved quite often), we would find a church where we could go to Sunday school. Perhaps as a result, even as a child I always tried to do what was right. I believed in God and somehow I knew that would please Him.

One time, while living in Minnesota, someone came to our place and asked if my siblings and I could go to Sunday school. My father made the excuse that we did not have shoes, but the person responded that it was fine if we came without shoes. So we went to Sunday school in our bare feet. After a time, the minister wanted to baptize us. My parents agreed, so he came out to the house and sprinkled my sister and me and maybe my brother too. It meant a lot to me, but later my father commented, “Well, it doesn’t hurt to have a certificate of baptism to show if you want to get a job.” That remark broke my heart, because I believed in what I had done.

In spite of my awareness of God, I didn’t know that Jesus had died for me and that I needed to be born again. All through those years as I grew up, I thought I was a Christian. However, no matter how good my intentions were, it always seemed like it was a struggle to do right. While getting into bed at night, I would pray the little prayer I had learned as a child, “Now I lay me down to sleep…” I would ask the Lord to forgive me for everything I had done wrong that day and promise that I would do better the next day. But the next day wasn’t better. This went on all through grade school and high school.

When I graduated, I married my husband, Darwin, and gradually our family expanded to include seven children. I made up my mind that I was going to be the best wife and mother ever—to pat myself on the back more than anything else, I think. When my kids were little I tried to send them to Sunday school. However, keeping little girls in pressed dresses and getting all of them ready for Sunday school took a lot of effort. When the older girls moved close to their teen years, my husband would tease them into thinking it was “sissy” to go to Sunday school and convince them to stay home with him and work.

A new phase in life

Then, suddenly, it seemed the children were grown and didn’t need me anymore. They were all busy with their own activities and I was still at home washing and folding clothes, ironing, and doing all the chores you do if you have children. My husband was very busy with his father, who had a mental problem, and it seemed like we gradually lost touch with each other. He worked hard and didn’t have a whole lot of time for me, although I knew that he loved me.

I had always enjoyed country music, so I got a guitar and taught myself a few chords with some help from a neighbor. Then someone asked me to sing at church, so I did that. Someone heard me there and asked me to come to the grange and sing. Eventually I got involved in a local western band, and before long it seemed like I was somewhere singing every other night.

About two years after I joined the band, my boss bought a nightclub—and I had a choice to make. Sadly, I made the wrong one. I should have quit then but I didn’t, and the whole thing became a horrible experience. After about six months I wanted out. How miserable I was! I didn’t like the surroundings—there was a lot of drinking and the things I saw upset me. I knew I didn’t belong there.

In spite of my involvement in the nightclub, I never quit going to church. In fact, for a time I was going to two churches on Sunday and then working in this nightclub, getting home at two o’clock in the morning, just as my husband left for work.

A Christian witness in our home

How grateful I am that, in all my confusion and unhappiness, God began working in our home. My youngest daughter, Ginny, had reached out to God at a summer camp when she was twelve years old. About the time my life became so miserable, she started attending the Apostolic Faith Church and was really saved. She lived a Christian life in front of us and it began to have an impact in our family. My son, Darrel, in an effort to “rescue” his sister from what he felt were misguided notions, had gone to church with her and had an encounter with God himself. His life changed too.

God began working on me as I observed the change in my children’s lives. Ginny owned a record album made by some members of the Apostolic Faith Church, and one song in particular caught my attention. The words said, “There’s no chance in eternity to change your destiny.” When my children were gone I would sneak that record album out and play it. The words haunted me, and the nightclub surroundings became more and more distasteful to me.

I was trying to read the Bible, but that is not easy for someone who is not a real Christian. Much of it I did not understand, but there were a couple of verses that really spoke to my heart, and so I typed them out. One of them was Isaiah 30:21 where it says, “And thine ears shall hear a word behind thee, saying, This is the way, walk ye in it. When ye turn to the left and when ye turn to the right, this is the way walk ye in it.” I thought to myself, There is a way, but how do I get there? The other verse was, “Be careful for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God. And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus” (Philippians 4:6-7). I looked at those verses. I analyzed them. I read them and reread them.

Surrendered to God

Finally I began to go to the Apostolic Faith Church with my children. Many people were praying for me, and after the meetings were over, I would go up to the altar to pray. Oh, how I loved that altar! I could pour my heart out to God with nobody there to hear me. God was there, though, and He listened and understood.

It took six months before I really surrendered my life to God; I didn’t seem to fully grasp what I was supposed to do. On New Year’s Eve, I sang at a big party where everyone was laughing and having a great time, but I was miserable. The following day, on January 1, 1975, at 11:30 at night, I got down on my knees in my living room and prayed, “Lord, if you can straighten up the mess that I have made of my life, I’ll do anything You want. I’ll go anywhere.” I told the Lord that if He would take care of me, that was all I wanted. I wept my heart out until I thought I was going to wake up the whole family, but when I got up from my knees, I knew that finally everything was all right. There was such peace in my heart! For a week I really didn’t know what had happened to me, but I finally realized that the Lord had saved me.

I have had experiences since then that are so precious. God saved my husband, Darwin, and restored the love and warmth in our marriage. One by one, others of my children have given their lives to the Lord. God has done so much for me and for my family!

Joy all the time

I have seen God answer many prayers for our family, performing miracles of healing, mending relationships, and working out problems. I am thankful for the faith that God has given me: I truly believe He can do anything. Where once I thought you could only be happy once in a while and you had to settle for that, I realize now that you can have joy in your heart all the time.

I never want to go back to the old way of life. I have absolutely no regrets, for I have found exactly what I wanted since my youngest years. The guilt is gone and in its place I have peace and joy. My life is full of satisfaction and contentment, and I can say that Jesus is truly all I need.

Maxine Lee and her husband Darwin serve the Lord together in the Apostolic Faith Church in Roseburg, Oregon.