She never dreamed rebellion and self-will would take her so far.
Now she needed . . .

A Way Out

By Carrie Elgin

Lost in a maze of sin, I could not find my way out, but when I was nineteen years old, God found me. He knew exactly where I was, and He reached down and picked me up.

As a child, I was taken to church, and I knew of the power of God to change lives. My grandparents were missionaries, and I thought it would be terribly romantic and adventuresome to be a missionary too. I wanted to be good, and I considered myself to be a Christian. I sang in the children’s choir at church and played the violin in the children’s orchestra, but my convictions were shallow.

Lonely and longing for acceptance

Like many teenagers, at the difficult age of thirteen, I felt lonely and longed for love and acceptance. I remember a turning point during that summer. I was standing outside of church and an older boy, who I thought was very good looking, started to talk to me. I was excited that he was paying attention to me. During the course of the conversation, he said some derogatory things about the people who were praying inside the church and then he said, “Oh, but you’re a Christian, aren’t you.” At that moment I put God behind me and denied Him. Oh, what dread came over me! I knew I had failed God. Rather than turn and run back to Him, though, I went full-speed the other way.

Rebellion against my parents grew, and I rejected anything they set before me. I started skipping school and climbing out my bedroom window at night to meet my friends. Eventually, I quit school and left home altogether.

The attitude of my peers was “sex, drugs, and rock-n-roll,” and I readily adopted that mindset. I set out to try everything life had to offer, and I worked hard at it, though many times I suffered the consequences of my foolishness. Once, I hitchhiked to Washington State to see an acquaintance. When I arrived, we got in an argument and he walked off and left me stranded in a little one-store, one-tavern town. That night, I found myself in the middle of nowhere with a stranger threatening my life if I didn’t do as he said.

In those perilous moments, I had no thought of God, only of self-preservation. Suddenly, the man drove me to the highway and told me to get out. There, I was picked up by the next car and given a ride back to Portland. Why was I let go? I am sure it wasn’t out of the kindness of that man’s heart, because he was not a nice man. I know now it was only the mercy of God through the prayers of those who loved me.

Occasionally, as the months came and went, I would see or hear from my family. They would let me know they were praying for me, but I would shrug it off and curse God. I wanted nothing to do with church, and I convinced myself that everyone who went to church was either crazy or brainwashed.

Eventually, the promiscuous lifestyle I was living took its toll, and the health clinic on Fourth Street in Portland became all too familiar. I decided that I would do better, and for a while I moved back in with Mom and Dad. During that time, I earned my GED. Then I got a job and moved in with a friend. I was no longer on the streets, but habits and addictions still controlled my life. I was constantly seeking fulfillment. I do not know how many times I tried to quit smoking, but my resolve disappeared when my body would “need” a cigarette. I had a permanent cough that could only be soothed when I lit up another one.

Conviction settled down

Two years went by, and it seemed that I was always running into Christians. I babysat for my aunt once, and before she paid me, she asked if she could sing me a song. I said sure, and she proceeded to sing a hymn. I thought that was really weird, but the conviction that settled down on my heart that day was real. That same summer, I was hitchhiking and a man picked me up. I tried to sell him drugs, but he told me he wasn’t interested. When I pushed it, he turned to me and told me the reason he was not interested was because Jesus had saved him and he did not need drugs to be happy. I was glued to my seat as he shared his testimony about how God had changed him and how his little baby had been healed of a serious illness. When I finally got out of his car, I was miserable with conviction.

The moment of surrender

That fall, my boyfriend was arrested, and shortly after that I discovered I was pregnant. Then he called me from jail and told me he had been saved, and that I should get saved also and go to church with my parents. That really blew me away. I had no desire to be a Christian, but I went to church to make him happy. What did I find there? Happy faces, victorious testimonies, and most of all, the sweet Spirit of God. This time I did not resist. One morning, as I walked to the bus stop, God let me know that if I wanted salvation and real victory, I would have to forsake my sins. At that moment, I surrendered my life to Him. I threw down the cigarette I had just lit and the full pack I had just bought. The addiction to cigarettes and drugs was gone, and I had happiness and freedom. I felt as though I floated to the bus stop.

Some months later, my baby was born, and I married my boyfriend in a ceremony at the State Penitentiary. I paid money to the stores where I had shoplifted, apologized and made amends to old friends and to people I had worked for. Salvation was a good thing, and I had no desire to return to the confusion I had left. I worked and raised my daughter. My family and the ministers at church encouraged me to seek more of God. Things were going my way, but over time, rather than seeking for more of God, my Christianity became a cloak. I met people at work and at the prison when I visited my husband, and I tried to fit in with them—I wanted people to like me. I rarely spoke of my salvation. I justified my actions with excuses such as, “I deserve a little fun,” or, “Maybe if I go here with a friend she will go to church with me.” I became proud of my accomplishments and did not give God any credit. I said, “I have a nice house. I have a good job. I have a fast car. I have kept my marriage together.” All the while, God was calling, “Come home.” Things I had forsaken when God saved me became attractive once more. But God, because He loves me, exposed my sin, and one day I had to face up to where I was. Miserable and backslidden, I called out to God and turned once more to Him. Thank God for His mercy. I knew I had His forgiveness.

As I realized my everyday dependence on the Lord, I saw my need to obey him in everything and follow His leading in my life. He sanctified me, and baptized me with His Holy Spirit as I committed more of my life to Him.

The protection of God

My husband was released from prison and we had two more wonderful children. We were together as a family, but he had let go of his relationship with God, and drugs were controlling his life. Things were not easy for us at home. I tried to be a good wife and to make him happy, but true happiness is in the Lord. Several times God kept my children and me from serious harm when my husband was in the worst condition. Eventually he left us altogether. I was determined to stick with God, however, and I have never regretted that decision.

Psalm 37:25 says, “yet have I not seen the righteous forsaken, nor his seed begging bread.” Psalm 68:5 says that God is a “father to the fatherless.” I clung to those promises, and the Lord has been everything His Word promises. One day I was standing at the kitchen sink washing dishes. As I looked out the window, I was praying and asking God how I was going to get my children the clothes they needed. Just then, a friend came to the door with three bags of clothes. Her granddaughter had grown so quickly the clothes were hardly worn, and she wondered if I was interested in them. Of course—praise the Lord!

An answer to prayer

After a church service one night, my four-year-old son decided he wanted to visit his Nana, who lived six blocks from the church. He walked away while I wasn’t looking. When he got to her house, he said all the lights were out so he started back. Then he got confused and lost, and finally was just standing out on the street crying and praying for his mom. Meanwhile, my friends and I were looking for him. Finally, I just stopped and asked the Lord to help me find him. In less than a minute, a dear sister in the Lord came into the church with him. She explained that she had already gone home but had decided to come back to the church for something she had forgotten. She drove down the very street he was standing on and found him.

God has supplied every need for my children and me. When I broke my ankle and was unable to work for months, our bills were paid, food was plentiful, and I was able to spend precious time with my children.

I would not trade the riches I have in Christ for anything. He is my best friend. He has given me peace and unconditional love. His power to cleanse and to restore is real.

Carrie Elgin is a member
of the Apostolic Faith Church
in Portland, Oregon.